....it shows how much you love your children that you are still here. Most fathers would have given up by now."
"Given up!" I thought to myself, "really?"
"Given up, isn't quite how I'd describe it."
"Beaten into submission - maybe? Run out of money - possibly? Tired, exhausted and emotionally empty - almost certainly!"
People argue that there is a bias in the family courts - that they favour mothers. I'm not sure that is true. They do, however, favour the, "resident" parent. In most cases that is the mother and, therefore, the balance of power seems to be held by mums.
Unfortunately, it doesn't take long before both parties recognise this fact. And when you find yourself up against an ex whose anger for you is stronger than her love for her children the very court system you expect to help you can become the tool used to deny you access. Unless, you can manage to keep going, to keep finding the money and to keep plodding on whilst they hold directions hearings in a vain attempt that either one of the parents will give up or someone, anyone (other than them), will make a decision.
This has been a difficult post to write, for the very reason I haven't known what to write. As you can probably tell by my rambling?
Anyway, I am hanging in there. I hope the tide is turning. My application for an enforcement of contact (which was issued almost 12 months ago) and which was due to be heard in February, but which was delayed due to the lies of my ex-wife in January, is now an application for residency.
I feel uneasy seeking to upheave the children from their mothers but, as a very clever person said to me,
"You are the better parent because you love them unconditionally,
Whereas your ex loves them conditionally."
Plus, of course, I would never seek to exclude their mother from their lives.
I was thinking about you and how it was all going recently. 'Hard' seems to be the answer. Why does everything related to the law take so long? And why is your wife denying contact. If you were a completely worthless father (which she must consider you to be) then your children would work that out quickly and not wantt to see you anyway. It would fizzle out. By fighting all the while she is constantly fanning flames. Seems a futile waste of possible positive experiences your children could be getting rather than being central to a negative battle. The only winners are the lawyers. It is a great shame. You can understand why so many non-resident parents give up. Good luck x
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs. K,
DeleteI'm not sure she deems me a worthless father. More that she deems me competition for the love of her children. She always viewed them as her children. I was just competition that she didn't want.
I'm not alone though - 25% of fathers that divorce from mothers lose touch with their children within 3 years.
Big hugs to you Spencer for being the stronger and unreservedly best parent.
ReplyDeleteI hope that your children are given a stable home soon with you
BNM
Thank you!
DeleteSo sad that is has come to this. Why do exes have to make things so difficult? Just because the love has gone is no excuse to be horrible. Do hope it works out for you soon.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad too.
DeleteI love my children too much to do this !
A family mber is going through something similar. It's just not a fair system and the courts do take so long. Hang on in there, you know it's the right thing to do. -HMx
ReplyDeleteIt really isn 't fair. You can't realise that until you've been there!
DeleteI wish I had been brave enough to fight on Spencer. Keep on keeping on I say.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how hard it is Dicky. I 'm not sure how much longer I can continue fighting!
ReplyDeleteI am very glad to see you back writing about your struggle. I think it helps to put things down on paper (although this isn't exactly paper) and have other people read about what you are experiencing. As you are finding out, many people have a similar story to tell. And I think the encouraging comments you are getting from your readers will make a difference to you and inspire you to keep on with your journey. It seems so cruel to delay hearings... and all through the interminable delays the children are growing and developing and possibly being encouraged to change their opinions of the parent who they see the least. It's a tough slog through the beaurocracy, but if you can keep going, you should..... this is for your children!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. Good for you for being determined not to lose your children. I cannot imagine the struggle. I sincerely hope that you win the right to have them back not only in your life but in your home. The cruelty of people shocks me to the core. I wish you well. Glad to see you're back, even if it is briefly.
ReplyDeleteHugs
ReplyDeleteI was in the same position 15 years ago. I would like to say it gets better but in my case it didn't, at least not until the children were old enough to make their own choices.
ReplyDeletehang in there