So many ghosts in my life.

I read a post tonight - it was a good post, a positive post but strangely it made me realise I'm a little scared. I've mentioned the developments in my career but, if I'm honest, the main reason I've been so keen on this new job is because it means I'll spend large parts of my time in other countries. This really appeals to me at the minute as I feel a need to get away.

The next chapter

Having alluded to the fact that there were changes afoot in my life I received an email enquiring if there was a new romantic involvement. Put simply the answer to that question is no. In that regards I am still not ready. The changes, to which I referred, relate instead to my career. I will let you know more when I finally return home and don't have to blog from my phone (which is also the reason i i haven't managed to comment on any blogs and also the reason I am going to take this opportunity to say, "Hooray, T is back!"). Adios (for now).

Beauty

Some things are just so beautiful that you have to stop, stand, look up and stare:

The boy said to me,

"Daddy, have you heard of a Killer Whao?"

"A Killer Whao?" I asked,

"Yes, a Killer Whao?" he replied,

"I'm not sure" I said, "is it a kind of psychopathic song lyric?"

"No, daddy! They eat penguins!" he said beaming that he'd beaten me,

"So do you!" I said,

"No, not chocolate penguins" he said laughing, "real penguins silly!"

"Really, do they cook them?" I enquired,

"No, daddy! They snaffle them!"

"Really?"

"Yes, and they are from the same family as us!"

"What, the Park family?"

"No, silly. They are mammals!"

"Do you mean Killer Whales?" I asked,

"Yes, like I said Killer Whaos!"

I found the key to my happy place.

I could deny...

but I'll never realise,
I've been chasing rainbows,
all my life!

and just to prove that I'll always be an Indie boy:

Tracks of my life!

My ex-wife and I spent the last few days of our honeymoon at Glastonbury (how cool were we?). At the time my ex-wife was 3 months pregnant and had started to have cravings for tomatoes.

It isn't easy finding tomatoes at Glastonbury but I managed it! On my way back to the tent I stopped off to listen to Ian Brown. I can't remember exactly what he was playing but, as I love all things Ian Brown, this one, which I think is just beautiful, will do:

Ian Brown - El Mundo Pequeno

Clear thinking!

This week started off pretty rough. Little K passed away on Sunday, on Monday I discovered that my uncle has a cancerous growth the size of a golf ball on his liver, Tuesday would have been my ninth wedding anniversary and Wednesday was the day from hell at work. On top of that I still seem to be reeling from events that occurred in March.

However, last night I had some form of awakening. I realised that K was finally at peace, my uncle is strong and will fight the cancer all the way, my anniversary (if I can still call it that) isn't very important and I am, when all is said and done, good at my job.

I have started to look to the future rather than the past. I have started to smile again!

Take good care of him!

Angel came down from heaven yesterday
She stayed with me just long enough to rescue me
And she told me a story yesterday,
About the sweet love between the moon and the deep blue sea
And then she spread her wings high over me
She said she's gonna come back tomorrow

And I said, "Fly on my sweet angel,
Fly on through the sky,
Fly on my sweet angel,
Tomorrow I'm gonna be by your side"

Sure enough this morning came unto me
Silver wings silhouetted against the child's sunrise
And my angel she said unto me,
"Today is the day for you to rise
Take my hand, you're gonna be my boy,
You're gonna rise"
And then she took high over yonder

And I said, "Fly on my sweet angel,
Fly on through the sky,
Fly on my sweet angel,
Forever I will be by your side"

RIP K.

Learning!

Today my boy started his school career (at least he had the first of his school taster sessions). In his words it was, "well good, Daddy!"

But these events got me thinking. When my boy is all big and smart will he still:

1) Want to give his dad cuddles?
2) Look to me for advice even when he realises that 90% of what I speak is bollocks?
3) Follow my football team even when he realises all his friends are following someone else?
4) Have that cheeky little grin that lifts my day?
5) Talk to me like I am the greatest dad that has ever walked on the face of the planet?
6) Be my mate?
7) Make me smile just by being himself?
8) Fill me so full of pride that I feel fit to burst?
9) Make me laugh?
10) Love me as much as I know I'll always love him?

Oh, and, I almost forgot:

11) Have his own hair? (It's just a matter of time boy!)

Tracks of my life!

When I was 16 I started work. I spent my earnings on lodge, partying and chasing girls. God, I loved that time!

Who would have thought EMF stood for Epsom Mad Funkers? (I know I didn't!).

PS. If you watch all this video you can see me at the end jumping up and down. Yes, that's me with the big and bushy hair! (no, really!)

Care to pray with me?

Whilst growing up if I ever said, "it's not fair!" my father would always counter with,

"life's not fair son, the sooner you realise that the better!" He was right of course. However, I don't think I knew just how right he was until recently. Not until I met little K.

K is a twelve year old boy who was abandoned at birth by his mother. Not the best start in life. Due to a learning difficulty no-one wanted to adopt K so he has been in care for the entirety of his short life. Recently he was placed in the care of my ex-wife and her new partner. During this time I have got to know little K, not well, but enough to see that he is a nice lad.

A nice lad that has been fighting a courageous battle against leukaemia. A month, or so, ago K had an operation that is was hoped would help him beat the leukaemia. For a while it seemed like the operation had been a sucess and K had won his battle. However, I learnt today the operation had failed - the leukaemia remains and K has been given two weeks to live.

Whilst I'm not the most religious person I guess even an aetheist needs hope and I am willing to give it a go. I am going to pray for K, to pray that these last few weeks are pain free, to pray that K has an enjoyable few weeks and to pray that K finally gets some peace.

Please pray with me.

Ways I can tell my boy is growing up (part 1)

Today we had our first chat!

Well, okay, it wasn't actually our first chat. But, it was the first chat we'd had whilst stood next to each other at the urinals!

And as it's Friday night it's music time:

Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand?

Would you?

I was asked a question today. It was a question that, until very recently, I would have answered without hesitation. The question asked was,

"Would you ever remarry?"

Despite being divorced I still hold marriage in the highest regard. For me, marriage is the ultimate commitment, a lasting show of love and affection. I understand that marriages break down, it would be hypocritical of me not to, but that doesn't stop me feeling a slight failure when I look back upon my divorce.

Thus, at one time I would have automatically answered, "Yes, I would remarry!" In fact I did today. However, I did have second thoughts. I guess that there are a number of reasons for this:

1) Having been through one messy divorce I'm not so sure that I would want to go through another.
2) Both recent and past events have made me question my own judgement when it comes to relationships. I am beginning to think that I am blind to the obvious failings in a relationship until it is too late. Therefore, I am not sure that I consider myself suitable marriage material.

I guess I will just have to ponder the question a little further.

Would you?

My new friend...

has a beautiful breast!

On your marks.......

Get Set.....

GROW......

Parenthood....

isn't it just beautiful:

and I'm sure that this one is a daddy or a mummy or a child (okay I don't know but I am so proud of the picture):

All pictures taken on my run tonight!