There are some things that I never thought I'd have to buy

As an eighteen year old I can remember vividly the first moment that I realised my hair had started to fall out. I was sat in a physics class and one of my best friends, who was sat behind me, shouted out, "Christ, do you realise how big your crown is!" I then went home to be told by my father, "If you really are going to molt could you please have the decency to clean the plug hole out afterwards!" At that point I knew that I was destined to be completely bald by the time I was in my early twenties.

However, I did used to satisfy myself that by going bald quickly, and at such a tender age, I wouldn't have to suffer like my other friends who seemed to either:

a) Lose hair progressively and over a long period of time such that they could convince themselves that they weren't really losing their hair at all (a few of my friends have, over the years, sported the Bobby Charlton look!) or,

b) Slowly go grey.

Imagine my disappointment, therefore, when I realised that a much worst fate awaited me.

Just lately I have started to grow the largest and curliest hairs known to man! Which would be great if they were on the top of my head but they are not! They are in all the wrong places - the places that long and curly hairs should never be! I now have the bushiest eye brows and the sproutest ear and nose hairs ever seen.

But, by the grace of God, and the pure genius of man, I have been able to combat these evil hairs by purchasing one of these:

I salute you Mr Remington, and the wonderful device known as, "The Remington Nose & Hair Clipper!"