When I get tired I can become a right grumpy git!

Little things begin to annoy me even though I know they shouldn't. My mind starts to wonder and I become reflective and start to doubt myself. Those doubts manifest in many different ways but I can't say that I am proud of any of them.

I posted yesterday that I wanted J to meet my kids but that I was scared. That has nothing to do with J and everything to do with me. We don't get to see each other very often. When we do things are great but, when we don't I question what it is that she sees in me. Mix this in with the scars I carry from a failed marriage and I can become quite insecure. I realise that I need to get over these doubts as they place an undue burden upon J and will, ultimately, become a self fulfilling prophecy. However, it is easier said then done.

When I watched my mother and father divorce I saw them cope with the situation in very different ways. My mother needed to be with someone, and is, whereas my father was happy to lead a solitary life. He loves the company of others but, when he returns home, likes his own space. He is a free spirit that could walk into any bar, in any country, and leave with a group of friends. I am a mixture of my parents. I like meeting new people but I take time making new friends and, in the event that someone doesn't like me, I consider that I must have done something wrong and begin to doubt myself all over again.

Luckily, these self doubts subside when I'm not tired so I am hopeful that I will have a relaxing Christmas holiday!

At a crossroads!

Just lately, I feel like I'm at a crossroads, in so many aspects of my life, and I'm not sure which way to turn in any of them.

I've been offered, and accepted, a permanent job in Birmingham. That should be a good thing, and I know it is, but, there is one thing that really worries me. I know that this will sound awful, so I'll say it quickly, I'll have to work with Brummies! I don't have any major issues with Brummies but, equally, I can't help but feel annoyance with the Brummie accent. Let me explain a little further. I live in awe of Einstein but, if he was to say to me, in a Brummie accent, E=MC2 I would dismiss him. I know that's my issue but I can't help it.Talking of crossroads, if anyone wants to defend the Brummie accent, listen to this:



I'm also at a Crossroads with my daughters education. My ex-wife and I both want to ensure that my daughter is receiving the very best education possible, but we have very different methods of achieving this. My ex wife has, in my view, a tendency to lecture and demand results immediately. The headteacher has advised that he plans for the school to commence the process of achieving "Dyslexia Friendly" status by the spring term. My ex has stated that, whilst she is willing to be patient, the spring term is too far away and she wants to see firm action by Christmas. I would like to ask her to ease off a little. However, whilst she is throwing all her efforts into forcing the school to do what she wants she seems to have given me a break!

I want my kids to meet J but, equally, I'm scared by the prospect. I'm not sure why, but I am!

On a positive note my luck is changing so, perhaps, I'll just be brave, stop thinking so much, and just go for it!

I know that this will sound sexist....

....so I will substantiate my statement in a moment, but blimey girl's toys are boring!

I've been looking around for my kids Christmas presents. Whilst I could spend a fortune on my son, I am finding it really challenging finding anything suitable to buy my daughter. Yes there are little rat things that run around cages (yawn),

and dolls houses for little rat things (yawn),

but there is nothing to match the snooker table,

 or toy digger,

I've purchased for my lad! 

Come on toy manufacturers - girls can't really like this junk! Can they?

I knew this weekend was going to be a good one....

when I arrived home, on Friday, to find J's car on my drive. When I woke up next to her on Saturday I had a smile on my face. When I saw this swan,

through by bedroom window I felt very privileged;

and when we saw Madness in concert I moved my stuff,

and when J said she wanted to take me home, and gave me a wink and a grin, I knew my luck was in!

When my ex wife and I first separated....

my little girl asked me if I still loved her mum. I could see the excitement in her little eyes as she thought she might be able to find a way to get us back together. It really upset me when I had to tell her that things between her mum and I had changed such that we would never, ever, live together again. I went on to reassure her that we would both always love her, and her brother, which seemed to settle her. She then asked me if I had ever loved her mum to which I replied, "of course!"

Although, the truth is I'm not sure that I ever did! Setting aside school boy crushes, I know that I've fallen in love with at least two people but I'm not sure if I can count my ex-wife as a third. I guess that means I'm either a coward, who walked into a relationship and never walked out despite it not working, or the memory of falling in love has been erased by the awful divorce we went through. 

I wonder if I will ever know for sure!

Spreading the blogging love!

A very good friend of mine, Jo at Jobeaufoix.com, is one of a hundred bloggers that have been asked to promote Next in the run up to Christmas. Apparently, if she can motivate her readers to click through from her blog, to the Next website, she will receive a share of a prize fund that has been set aside to reward the bloggers. That all sounds fabulous, but I don't think the rules play in Jo's favour. Jo's blog is witty, well written, perceptive, informative and, just a little bit, cheeky so why would anyone want to leave her blog to visit the Next website? I have no idea? But, if her readers don't visit the Next website she will miss out on this share of generosity and remain a skint single parent in the run up to Christmas. If that happens her adorable children will, once again, have to be satisfied with a small orange and a piece of coal for Christmas.

I wanted to help Jo in her efforts but I didn't know how and this has been troubling me. My little boy saw me pondering and asked what the matter was. I explained the problem and he said, "I know how to help Daddy!" and he ran upstairs to his bedroom. I followed and found him in his wardrobe wearing his favourite jumper. "Look Daddy!" he exclaimed, "if people know they can buy cool clothes like this they won't be able to resist visiting the Next website!"

"Very true!" I thought.

But, I know some people won't be drawn to the Next website just to view their great quality clothing range. No, they will expect more - something in return! I needn't have worried though, for as Father Christmas explained to my two children, "If you visit jobeaufoix.com and click through to the Next website you can enter a daily prize draw to win lots of fabulous prizes."

There you have it. All you have to do is visit jobeaufoix.com and click through to the Next website and everyone's a winner baby!

My Mum has some great ideas!

"I've booked the front seats at the pantomime" she said to me "so the kids might be called on to the stage!"

Yes, great idea Mum. Thanks!

 Look who became the ugly sister's boyfriend and had to sit on the love bench!

But, on a positive my little girl did also get called up - which she loved!

My little girl! (Part two)

My little girl, even when poorly, is the most beautiful thing in the world!

The Christmas Spirit!

The prospect of Christmas rapidly approaching has been filling me with dread. In fact, it has been making me down right grumpy! My finances have taken a battering recently and the last thing I wanted was the added expense of Christmas.

However, the Christmas Spirit entered my soul today and I am happy and jovial once more. What caused this major change in my outlook?

Was it the snowy scene that greeted me as I left for work today? No, that was just a cold inconvenience that added to my annoyance!

Was it the Christmas lights I passed as I drove through the town centre? No, they were just tacky decorations that had been funded by my hard earned money!

So, what was it that created this monumental swing in my mood?

I will tell you. But, first, and whilst I am still in the mood, I want to wish all of my readers a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Anyway, it was this song that filled me with the joy of Christmas. This song which is, without any question, the best Christmas song of all time:



I can now take my kids to the pantomime without fear that I will, forever, be nicknamed Ebenezer!