Dear Heavenly Father,

Dear Heavenly Father who art in heaven,

Thank you so very much for choosing me for your experiment. At first I was confused, I didn't understand and I was a little scared. I had witnessed my current symptoms of irritability, cravings for chocolate, backache, neck ache, feelings of aggression, fluid retention, outbreaks of acne, mood swings and depression in the ladies of my life but never my fellow man. These symptoms had shown regularly in my mother, my sister and my ex-wife. Clearly, you were preparing me for this moment. I now even understand why you had decided to synchronise the cycle of all the women that I work with - clearly I could not be allowed to miss this moment.

I am now ready for the next stage of your work and I am willing to show that men can carry the burden of childbirth as well as, if not better then, women. However, I would be grateful if you could help me me get past this current stage of PMT as I'm not sure that I can cope with my current low for much longer. I have prepared myself by searching for suitable sanitary products but I had no idea what strength I would require (who would have guessed there would be so many different types?) so instead I have found one of J's unused nappies. I am ready, so please let the floodgates open. I'm not asking for great gushes. No, I would be happy with a few simple spots of blood so that I could be really sure that this phase of the adventure is over with and I will happily embrace the next one.

Thank you Lord,

Your faithful servant,

Spencer.

PS If I've misinterpreted your actions, and you haven't chosen me to be the first man to bear children, could you please let the sun shine as I think I might be suffering from Seasonal affective disorder.